My confession to myeself : INSIGHTS

“Great dreamers, dreams are never fulfilled, their always transcendent”
by Alford Lord Whitehead.

they always ask me, " don't get bored alone?"
and i always reply, " does anyone ever get bored alone?"

there was a time i hated to be alone -- i still do, sometimes. but this solitude has given me the best thing ver. it has given me tthe chance to stop, think, analyze, and revert at my life. It took me three years, 7 broken relationship, many annoyed friedns, sapration with my parents(most devastating), and lot to to know why i behaved the way i behaved.

over the week i am going to share those insight with you. i request you that when you read those insights, don't take them as mine. read them as you have written them for yourselves. like they are your own confession to yourselves. take a break form evrything for 10 minutes. sit alone with your coffee or tea, read these cofessional insights,and feel as you read evry line. think you have written them. these the simplest, most beautiful, truest emotions you are going to share with yourself.


I sit alone in my room here, too dark and these insights hit me:

I remember how truly and passionately I wanted to do the things when I was young. How anything, the simple butterfly, the ice cream, the movie, the camera, a carnival could excite me. how I used to do the thing so passionately. HR told me the answer why I can’t do so now. because then I did things because I wanted to do them actually. But now I’m part of the crowd, moving as the world and society wants me to.


Today I realized, why I couldn’t love others. Because I could never love myself. I could never feel good. I could never care for my desire, how could I do for others’. I wanted to be approved by people. I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to be liked. I always cared what others thought of me. always thought, do people really care for me? I never paused for the thought, whether I came from myself?
I couldn’t care for what I thought. I could never care what I care. I never thought what I thought.
I always wanted people’s approval. Although, what matters is self approval. It sounded like a jar was talking about me.




Riyaj was telling something about life to his father. And his father yelled. I knew he would not understand Riyaj’s words. his ego would never let him accept that his son was teaching him something. our ego, our own opinions, own rules and customs, we are so full of them. How could we accent anything new?


Now I would not say too much to any. but now, whenever I speak that would be sarcastic, like all the time I'm complaining to myself.


In this hardcore sex world, I'm losing connection with myself. or have I lost myself?