BETWEEN FEAR AND FAITH

I have been wanting to propose her for last four years. i always get out of my classes and stand on gate to see her. but i could never dare to tell her what i feel about her. isn't it it the most difficult thing to tell someone how much we love her, that we really care, you really matter in my life. how tough it is to express your genuine feelings! but congratulate me: i managed to befriend her last year. and since then it has been much difficult for me to say it. what if she said no? fear has always been more epidemic and dominating than faith. and in my case too, my fear was greater than my faith.
and now she is long gone, with the boy who said it. i m here: alone, regretful, wishing if i had just one chance.the same way, before a year, i wanted to nominate myself in the college cricket cricket team. i didn't. what if i failed; they'll laugh at me.

but all those things don't work in practical world, right? we have be rational in life, right?
here i pass by red shining BMW. suddenly my heart pops a comment(as it always does): ‘I believe the owner of the car is a fool. The car could always be new, ravishing and shiny, if the owner doesn’t take it out on road, but keeps it home as his bungalow’s monument.’
‘What rubbish!’ I smirked. ‘The car is not the thing to be a showcase. It’s meant for running on road.’
‘Exactly,’ my heart bumped with excited happiness in my chest; so loud that I suspect people could see and hear it beating over my shirt. ‘The car is not mean to be in a showcase. The owner knows his lovely car will get scratched, get bumped and banged, it can crash too; but he gets it on the road, because the car is meant to be driven on road. Its purpose is to run, to drive, to get hit, to break down, and be repaired again to get back to performance: to drive, to run, to chase, to beat, to win.’
My brows twisted. I knew what my heart (who always ridiculed and conflicted me) was getting at. ‘Our life is that for too. It’s not for playing safe, hiding and being a showcase. It’s meant to take risk,’ he turned his head at the setting sun, which was half down under the buildings. ‘To go, to try, to fall, to fear, to risk, to be sad, to be depressed and hurt, and then again to hope, to dream, to believe, to risk, to perform, to chase, to fly, to win, to make dreams come true. It’s all about finding yourself and reaching your destiny.’

‘Tell you what; it’s just an excuse you’re giving to console yourself and to give explanation to others.’
I put hand on my chest. Yes, my heart is right. If you raised finger on this topic, I will come up with several other reasons for not pursuing your dreams. I have prepared a list of explanation. I have got thousands of reasons for not doing it, but a single excuse to do it. I have fear – the fear of being wrong, the fear of pain and cost to get what I want, the fear to lose what I have, the fear of success that people would be envious and criticize me.

Listen to my voice, VK,’ My heart pumped with double force. ‘It never lies. You think what people will think about you, if you failed? Don’t care about them. They won’t like you even when you’ve made it. Don’t listen to them. They’ll always be there to tell you that you can’t do it, because they themselves couldn’t do it. They are never going to help you with your dream. But you have to protect your dream from such people. You can never be happy, if you keep pretending to be something you are not. Get guts to be yourself. The world needs real VK.’

oh, does your heart asks you to go toward your fear and do them? to choose to believe in what you want, not others want you to do? does it too pierces you like this, making you always lonely? that's why you don't want to stay alone, no? it bothers you. it raises doubt on relationship with yourself and others. it makes you feel guilty. does it always do so, my dear friend?